Have you ever thought, “If only they had told me what was really going on and what they wanted, I could have done something about it”? Or, perhaps at times you have withheld opinions and ideas and thought to yourself, “Why bother sharing my opinion? What difference will it make?”  

Working in the trenches with thousands of individuals from organizations of every size for almost 15 years, I have discovered that the root cause of most organizational problems is the lack of honest, open communication. What I mean by this is not only the truth versus lies aspect, but the more subtle and sometimes more insidious aspect—the withholding of issues, information, opportunities, and ideas. When communication is stunted, it touches every aspect of organizational life. The key to collaboration, innovation, and growth is to get the unsaid said.

Problems That Result When Issues, Information, and Ideas Are Withheld

Take a moment to consider whether you’ve witnessed scenarios like these in your workplace:

• Poor decisions are made because of incomplete or inaccurate information.
• Business and functional areas don’t collaborate, resulting in duplicate (and sometimes conflicting) endeavors. This lack of collaboration results in costly inefficiencies and ultimately thwarts business growth.
• Meetings are unproductive because the real issues are not candidly discussed and sometimes the purpose of meetings is not even communicated. 
• E-mail prevents real conversations from occurring because people won’t talk to each other; instead of picking up the phone and talking through things, they hide behind e-mail, which can escalate conflicts.
• Turnover is high because good employees are afraid to communicate honestly to get their issues resolved. The result is the real issues remain undiscovered and significant money must be invested to find, hire, and train new employees.
• Innovation is stunted because people are not sharing all of their creative ideas. People may be afraid that their ideas will be ridiculed or that others will steal their ideas and take the credit.

These scenarios make it easy to see how the lack of honest, open communication affects virtually every aspect of our lives. Now let’s look at the solution: getting the unsaid said. 

The Solution: 3 Keys to Getting the Unsaid Said

Key 1. Telling the Truth about Lies and Withholding

According to a national study, 91 percent of people admit to lying on a regular basis. The truth is that all people lie or withhold information to some extent. It’s not because we’re all malicious or ethically flawed; it is primarily because we are afraid. We may be afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, or afraid of permanently damaging a relationship, or afraid of a negative impact on our career. But when fear keeps people from sharing vital issues, information, and feedback, the whole organization suffers.

People can learn and change if they’re educated about the value of open, honest communication and provided with a safe environment that encourages it. When people become aware of the pervasive effects of withholding information, they usually feel empowered to make the changes that fuel individual and organizational success. These changes are contingent upon the consistent implementation of the next two keys. 

Key 2. Implement the Law of Reflection

The Law of Reflection says that whatever we give out, we tend to get back. As leaders, we need to model the behavior of honest, open communication. And we must use creative means to advocate the value of honesty and get the unsaid said.

To implement the Law of Reflection we need to leave our own offices and talk with people throughout the organization—go fishing for honest feedback and ideas. When we get feedback, we need to reward it. It’s easy to talk the talk about honest communication, but it’s no use if we turn around and punish the first messenger who gives honest feedback.

By implementing the Law of Reflection and modeling the behaviors of the honest communication that we’re seeking, we can inspire others to do the same.

Key 3. Stock the Toolbox—Notice vs. Imagine

People need the methods and strategies to get the unsaid said in a timely and effective manner. Furthermore, people must not only see the importance of bringing up an issue, they must learn how to influence others to get the issue resolved. There are simple steps people can follow that will help them have those difficult conversations they would prefer to avoid.

One strategy I like to use to get people and departments talking is to have them discuss what they’ve “noticed” and what they’ve “imagined.” I believe one of the top problems in the workplace is the failure to distinguish the facts of a situation (what can be “noticed”) from opinions, thoughts, evaluations, and conclusions (what is “imagined”). Many times people operate as if their opinions are facts and make decisions accordingly. People often don’t realize how incorrect their interpretations are, and then the misdiagnosis becomes even more exacerbated when the people they are interacting with have different agendas, goals, needs, and backgrounds. 

About the Author

Steven Gaffney, founder and CEO of the Steven Gaffney Company, is the leading expert in open, honest communication, collaboration, and leading change. Gaffney’s tools and strategies have been sought out by a diverse range of leaders including military officers and top executives of multinational corporations such as Lockheed Martin, Marriott, Allstate Insurance, Defense Logistics Agency, and Barrick Gold Corporation. Gaffney is the respected author of five publications, including 21 Rules for Delivering Difficult Messages.

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