We’ve all seen them in action. Those people with the “it” factor for getting the results they want, while keeping everyone else happy too. Whether a sales professional, corporate leader, teacher, or your neighbor, they share the ability to positively move others to action.

Bob Burg’s new book, Adversaries into Allies: Win People over Without Manipulation or Coercion, examines best practices for persuading others in a way that creates both immediate and sustainable long-term results. Here are Burg’s “Five Key Principals of Ultimate Influence”:

1. Control your own emotions

Although we’d like to think we’re strictly logical, most people are driven by emotion (sniff). We allow others to intentionally or unintentionally say or do things that make us mad, sad, angry, etc. When feelings like these are controlling us, we are in a position of weakness, not influence.

These tips from Burg will help keep emotions in check:

• Understand why it’s important – People don’t respect those who are driven by emotion.
• Make the decision to do so – Imagine situations where someone is likely to push your buttons. Picture yourself responding beautifully, rather than reacting emotionally. 

2. Understand the clash of belief systems

We all see the world from our own unique point of view. One person’s take on words, terms, and ideas can totally vary from the next person’s. In work or everyday life situations, it’s easy and common to think everyone is on the same page, when in reality they are not.

To avoid misunderstandings, Burg recommends always clarifying what you are asking for, or asking the other person to do the same. For example, if your boss says, “The client needs this ASAP,” ask, “Just for my own clarification, when you say ASAP, is there a specific date or time you have in mind?” Never assume you are both talking about the same thing.

3. Acknowledge their ego

To go along with our emotions and belief systems, we also all have unique egos. It’s how we realize we are one-of-a-kind. When we control our ego, we can accomplish great things. Chances are if you or someone else isn’t acting in a way that is productive for everyone, the ego is taking over.

If you want to be in a position of influence, Burg says you should first acknowledge another’s ego by making them feel good about themselves. In turn, they will be more likely to want to please you.

4. Set the proper frame

According to Burg, a frame by definition is the foundation by which everything else will take place. If a young child learning to walk trips and falls, they will tend to look at their parents to interpret how to react. Should they cry, or are they okay and should get up and try again?

In adult interactions, frames are also set. If you allow the other party to frame the situation, especially in a potentially difficult interaction, you are taking a chance. If you want to be in a position of influence, empower yourself by setting the frame first.

5. Communicate with tact and empathy

Using tact in conversation keeps the other person from becoming defensive and makes you think before say something. Empathy allows you to identify as much as possible how the other person is feeling in the experience. Including both in the equation is how you show another person that you care. It’s a lot less stressful, a lot more profitable, and as Burg says, “a nicer way to live.”

For more on winning in sales, download your copy of this complementary e-book.