If you want to thrive in sales, you have to prospect and ask for referrals on a consistent basis. Every salesperson knows that but only a small percentage engage in both behaviors on a consistent basis. Why is that? When I ask that question in my workshops I get the answers you might expect:

• “I’m too busy with administrative work and keeping my CRM updated.”

• “My current clients take so much of my time, there’s none left for prospecting.”

• “I don’t know how to start my prospecting calls.”

• “I can’t get past the gatekeeper—I get shot down before I get started.”

• “Prospects hate being interrupted.”

• “Cold-calling is outdated—social media is the way to sell today.”

• “I quit asking for referrals because asking for them didn’t work.”

• “I need to build a stronger relationship before I ask for referrals—and that takes time.”

All but the first two reasons salespeople give for not prospecting and asking for referrals has to do with what they say is their biggest challenge: Fear of rejection. In fact, even sales experts tell us that the fear of rejection is what keeps salespeople from prospecting and asking for referrals. As a result, we’ve given a lot of attention to the dreaded “fear” problem.

But what if fear of rejection isn’t the problem keeping salespeople from prospecting or asking for referrals? What if it’s merely the symptom of the real problem? My twenty-plus years of working with sales professionals has shown me fear of rejection isn’t the real problem.

The real problem is salespeople failing to own their self-value. Low self-value is the cause of a fear of rejection and we need to understand what self-value is. Self-value is the estimation a salesperson has of himself or herself—it’s how they think and feel about themselves.  How they think and feel about themselves determines their level of confidence and how they respond to rejection while prospecting.

Prospecting demands a certain level of self-value—the beliefs and emotions we refer to as confidence and a sense of inner worth. If you have high enough self-value you can pick up the phone and communicate as a peer, not as a subordinate or a vendor. The former communicates from strength while the latter seeks permission and approval.

A low estimation of yourself and what you offer is what makes you vulnerable to fear. Fear of prospecting and asking for referrals comes from feeling inferior to a prospect. If you tie your value and inner sense of worth to the acceptance and approval of a prospect, you’ll be like a beggar on their knees. Prospects can hear that in our voice and in the language we use ten seconds into a prospecting call.

However, if you believe you are a peer (an equal) to a prospect you’ll exude confidence instead of fear. You might not be a peer in terms of title, industry experience, or budget authority—but you can be a peer in terms of being the expert you are or can be.

Owning your self-value — what you bring to your prospects — your ability to be of tremendous value to them is like having Kevlar ® for the fear of rejection. The challenge for salespeople is how to own their self-value so fear isn’t a problem in the first place. Here are two coaching tips to increase your self-value and to be proud and confident in who you are and what you do:

Replace Self-Criticism with Self-Respect

If a prospect rejects your offer to meet with them, why is that a problem? It isn’t unless we make it one. We can do that by criticizing ourselves for something out of our control—getting an appointment with a prospect. Even the best of the best hear “no” from prospects. However, they don’t turn that into a problem by criticizing themselves. Instead, they think, “That’s their loss far more than it is mine.”

Salespeople, like most people, criticize themselves more than they realize. That criticism prevents them from owning their value. The more you learn to talk to yourself in an empowering way, the more you will own your value and see your sales rise. Replace your criticism with, “Persistence will pay off, I’ll make another call.” Respect yourself for putting in the effort and you’ll see your confidence soar.

Remember the Wins More Than the Losses

Salespeople tend to remember and dwell on their mistakes and losses far more than they do their “wins” or the progress they make. That, no pun intended, is a big mistake. You need positive energy to thrive in sales—and focusing on mistakes and lost sales robs you of the confidence and respect you need to perform at a high level. If you want to sell more, remember more of your successes and focus on your progress along the way. Here’s one way to do that:

End each day by playing a mental movie of what you did well that day. Feel the sense of achievement and the confidence that comes from reviewing past successes. Train your brain and your subconscious mind to focus on what you did right or even the fact that you made an attempt—even if you failed. The more you focus on your progress and success, the more you’ll respect yourself and own your value. As your sense of self-value rises, so will the number of prospects who will be curious about what you can do for them.

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Alan enables his clients to dramatically and rapidly improve their performance in sales and life. He is the founder/CEO of Genius Dynamics, Inc. and a speaker and executive coach for sales professionals and sales leaders. Alan is the author of the upcoming book, The Second Question: Achieving Peak Performance in Sales and Life. Sign up for his newsletter at www.alanallard.com.