Mar 21, 2014 By Dionne Lew

9 Surefire Ways to Damage Relationships and How to Build Them Instead

in Sales

Relationships can be tricky at times, but the methods for building them and keeping them from being damaged could not be easier. However, sometimes, we choose to ignore them in favor of one of the nine ways to damage relationships below:

If someone does 100 good things in a day, point out the one you didn’t like.
When you’re anxious and upset make sure they feel the weight of it.
If someone makes a mistake or disappoints you, go cold, quiet and hold it against them.
Reassure them you’re a team, but act in ways that contradict it.
No matter who contributes to an outcome ensure people know yours counted most.
Interrupt often.
Strikeout ‘the’ and replace it with ‘a’ or similar (there’s an equivalent for every industry you’re in and any role you have whether as a manager, team member, partner, parent).
Don’t ask for what you want and when you don’t get it let your mood (glaring, staring, sighing, fuming, aloofness) do the talking.
Assume people are at your beck and call.

There’s a little bit of each of us somewhere in there, which means we can all act in ways that damage rather than strengthen relationships.

We may not intend to send people who can’t mind read and don’t satisfy our every whim the message they’re disappointing and to blame for how we feel, but at times we do.

Instead these incremental actions practiced often will build resilient, meaningful relationships that can withstand our collective imperfection.

Acknowledge the good things, that way when you need to raise what’s wrong, which is important for growth and results, there’s a fairer context.
People may push buttons, but our moods are our responsibility. Lashing out releases pressure short term, but the long-term costs are high. Go for a walk, keep a journal, join a gym.
When someone disappoints you tell them what they did and why. We can fix things we know about. Some people like to sort things out on the spot, others prefer to first get perspective. The important thing if you decide let it go through to the keeper is that you really do and are not shoving it aside because it’s hard to deal with. Your anger will fester.
Walk your talk. If there’s a disconnection between what you say and do then change one of them. Some inconsistency is human, but a glaring gap diminishes credibility.
Value everyone’s contribution. You don’t have to pretend they’re all equal. The typesetter may have done a brilliant rush job on the submission but that’s not the same as the strategic insights that distinguish you from competitors. Don’t big note yourself either.
Listen.
Make suggestions that improve the work and if it’s good enough already, how about a compliment rather than tinkering.
Ask for what you want. Don’t assume you will always get it and know how to deal with that. If you find directness hard then work through the issues in writing at length to get clarity.
Value what you have. Write down 10 things before you go to bed that you’re grateful for. Gratitude changes your mindset, teaches your brain to look for the good in the world and increases wellbeing.

About the author

A respected thought leader and pioneer in social media leadership for executives, Dionne Kasian-Lew is the CEO of The Social Executive™. She is an advisor to Board and C-suite executives on leadership, innovation and corporate & communications strategy in the connected world. See more at: http://www.dionnekasianlew.com/#sthash.cS0oYvX6.dpuf"